Letting go
by Sadstaaaaa
Summary: Okay so this is my own storyline with the nikki and lorraine situation, I know they have finished now but I'm in denial so, please read and review I'll update as much as I can!


_**Yeah this is my first ever fanfic so it isn't brilliant, but this is my take on the Nikki and lorraine storyline. I haven't done this all myself, my friend dani (who writes dancing in the rain fanfic) has gone over and edited bits she felt necessary so Thankyou dani! Erm I'll try update as often as I can and let me know if you like it so I know if to carry on or not, please relate reviews, thanks!**_

"I don't want people thinking... I'm your puppet..." Nikki's looking at me with big, round eyes; my own deep-rooted insecurities reflected in her dark pupils as she stumbles over her words in her desperation to get them out of her mouth; through those dark red lips... those perfectly smooth, soft-looking lips.

"What? You think I gave you the job so I could pull the strings?" I laugh; trying to steer the conversation back to the safe yet boring professional droll I know so well. "Nikki, the last thing I think of you is that you're... manageable..." I start to blabber; unsure of how to continue; whether to take the conversation in an unthinkably personal direction or to try for something impossibly more.

My legs are carrying me forwards now; towards Nikki and away from everything I've held onto for so long. "I've got some amazing plans for this school... And you and me... We're the ones to make it happen..." And then we're close... much too close... And then she's breaking into a smile and her lips are parting and I'm unable to resist the temptation to move in a little closer and press my lips against hers. And it feels good... it feels fucking incredible... Because her lips are every bit as smooth and soft as they looked; cool against my own... And I like it; I like it a lot, but then she's pulling away and looking into my eyes, and I think I see something burning amongst the blue. Passion? Desire? Or something else? I don't know; all I know is that I want to kiss her again, and so I do; moving my lips against hers; placing my hand on her neck; feeling the blood thumping through her jugular artery against my palm before tangling my fingers through her short black bob.

But then she's pulling away again. And stepping away. And starting to cry. And I'm unsure on how to respond because the usually strong and assertive Nikki that I find so undeniably attractive is showing her vulnerable side, a side to her that I have never seen before. I'm out of my depth here, I have no experience in comforting people; I spent half my fucking childhood bottling up my emotions and hiding from the wicked ways of the world, so how the hell am I supposed to help Nikki if I can't even help myself? But I have to try, don't I? Because she was fine before I moved in for that fucking kiss. So whatever my feelings may be, I need to show some sort of humanity and at least try and comfort her.

"Nikki, I'm sorry... I though this is what you wanted... I didn't mean..." The words tumble out of my mouth pathetically; falling into a messy heap on the floor, and I simply can't bring myself to continue in my shitty attempt to apologise for what I've done. So instead I just bow my head in shame, because I'm not used to being rejected, and it's blatantly obvious that Nikki isn't interested in me and I don't know what to say. Am I really that bad at kissing that I've shocked her into hysterical tears? The awkward empty silence is almost too much to bear and I'm praying that she'll speak; tell me that she's straight, that she's got a boyfriend, that she doesn't like me... tell me anything because anything's better than the silence that's filling the room; choking me. I'm out of my comfort zone here and I hate it. Then, as if she's been reading my thoughts, she breaks the silence; spitting out a stream of jumbled shit.

"No Lorraine, it's not you... I just... I can't do this... I'm sorry... I need to go I have... erm... lots of marking to catch up on..." I can tell she's trying not to cry; choking back tears, forcing a smile, because it's something I'm all too familiar with; it's easier to fake a smile and pretend you're okay rather than try to make someone understand how you feel. And then she's turning away; heading for the door, and I know I need to do something so instinctively I grab hold of her arm; preventing her from moving. A shiver of pleasure rifles down my spine because the softness of her burgundy jumper reminds me of what her lips felt like pressed against mine, but I can't think about that right now.

"Nikki... please talk to me... I'm here for you..." I start to pull her arm so that she's facing me but she refuses to raise her eyes to meet mine; leaving them lazily fixed on the floor. I slowly lift my hand to her chin; lifting it up slowly, until I can see her tear-filled cobalt eyes.

"Nik... please... I'm here..." I'm practically pleading with her now; it kills me to see such a beautiful woman cry; I just want to hold her close and hug her tight, because I'm much better with actions than words, but I know that it won't help because right now she needs to talk; but Nikki being the stubborn person she is, it's going to take a lot for her to open up to me.

"Look why don't you come back to mine for a drink or something... Then we can talk properly... Please Nik?" I don't know where the sudden surge of confidence has come from because I'm not the type of person to invite people home with me, but before she even has chance to reply I'm grabbing her hand, and leading her out the door because I know that if I don't she'll refuse my offer because she's too scared to let go and open up to me. And with that we're walking hand in hand to my car, and getting in.


End file.
